They seem confident. In control. Untouchable.

But beneath that surface, something else is at play.

They manipulate.

They target your insecurities, twist reality, blur the truth — or simply lie.

That push-and-pull dynamic is no accident. It’s a strategy.

A way to keep you guessing. Off-balance. Dependent.

So you keep questioning yourself, while they stay in control.

Not out of love, but out of fear.

Not because they are powerful, but because they are afraid.

Afraid of losing you — not because they care,

but because you are their supply.

They rely on control to keep that from coming to light.

Because deep down, they know

that the moment you choose yourself,

it’s game over.

When you stop giving, stop pleasing, stop doubting your truth, they lose their fuel.

Their grip.

Their game.

Their illusion of control.

That’s why they need you to remain small, insecure and emotionally available.

So they can avoid looking at themselves, at what’s been buried for so long.

Because their behaviour is one constant distraction, a way to avoid what they refuse to feel.

At their core lies a place they won’t go.

No connection.

No responsibility.

No vulnerability.

And it’s exactly there, where your old pain still lingers, that your open heart becomes their entry point.

You share the same core wound.

Two opposites born from the same source.

A deep fear of not being enough.

A sense of emptiness, rejection, and emotional insecurity.

Unseen. Unheard.

Left alone with a longing that began long before the present moment.

But while you are willing to feel, to reflect, to heal layer by layer, the narcissist will rarely admit they are wounded too.

They might pretend. Say the right things. Use therapy language.

But even that is often just another mask. Another layer of control, not healing.

You seek connection.

They avoid it.

You turn inward.

They point outward.

You feel too much.

They shut down.

It’s the same wound, just expressed in opposite ways.

They hide.

You try to heal.

They control.

You adapt.

They demand space.

You give yourself away.

But the one who holds the real power, the real strength — is you.

Not because you’re tougher.

Not because you’re stronger.

But because you are able to feel.

Because you carry compassion.

Because you know what it means to love, even when it’s hard.

That is the difference.

That is what the narcissist lacks.

And that is exactly why they need you.

A narcissist can't live without someone to rely on.

Without someone who keeps giving, hoping, and pleasing.

They need your energy to keep functioning.

Without it, the mask slips.  

The image breaks.

Everything they built around avoiding themselves begins to collapse.

The truth is, you have the power to stop this.

But first, you need to move beyond the fear.

And that isn’t easy.

For a codependent, that fear is often overwhelming.

It feels like you're losing yourself, when in reality, you're coming home.

As long as fear holds you captive, you unconsciously relinquish control.

The fear of letting go.

The fear of being alone.

The fear of not being enough, or of never finding love again.

And that’s exactly what keeps you stuck in the dynamic.

Not because you’re weak, but because your body still doesn’t know what real safety in freedom feels like.

But as soon as you return home, layer by layer, to your core, to who you truly are, and no longer live from lack, the mirror stops.

Then it's no longer "your dynamic."

It’s just you.

In your truth.

In your power.

Without fuel, the mechanism stops. Without the game, the illusion of control fades.

What remains… is silence. Freedom. Space. You.

And that's the moment you break the cycle. Not by fighting harder, but by becoming gentler with yourself.

It's not a quick fix. But it is real. And it starts with feeling.

By seeing that you weren't the problem, but are the one who can break the pattern.

Not because you have to be stronger than the other person, but because you’re willing to face what they avoid.

Because you are willing to heal, while they continue to hide.   

A narcissist thrives on your fear. They recognise it, poke at it, magnify it.
Because as long as you remain trapped in that old pain, your power remains available to them.
They know that if you ever truly choose yourself, it's over.

But that fear, however deep, isn't the end of your story.

The moment you dare to move beyond the old script,

beyond who you once had to be to feel loved…

you begin the journey back home to yourself.

That's not a struggle.
That's coming home.
Because you hold the key.
Not them.

Without you, a narcissist cannot continue as they do.

They need you.

But you can move forward without them.

You’re willing to look within.

You feel.

You choose truth over avoidance.

That’s the shift that changes everything.

The love you so freely gave to others can become something you gently return to yourself.

Not all at once.
Not perfectly.
But step by step.
Layer by layer.

Until you stand up again, not in fear but in truth. That’s when everything begins to change.

Your path to freedom starts here

Are you ready to step out of the cycle, not just in your mind, but in your body, your energy, your emotional world?

Do you long to

reclaim your energy without guilt

soothe your nervous system and break the trigger loop

start living from your own strength and inner authority?

Explore how my 16-week Codependency Recovery Programme supports you in creating real, lasting change, from the inside out.

Further reading for insight and healing

Why you feel drawn to narcissists

About attachment, limbic memory, and how confusion is often mistaken for love.

→ Why Codependents Are Drawn to Narcissists

The invisible abuse

How narcissistic manipulation often starts with subtle doubt — and ends in exhaustion.

→ The Invisible Abuse – How Narcissists Break You From the Inside

The destructive dance revealed

What’s really happening in the dynamic between codependent and narcissist — and how to step out of it.

→ Codependent and Narcissist – The Destructive Dance Uncovered

The more codependents start to see their pattern, the less fuel there is for narcissists to feed on.

You hold the key.

Your healing is the change that not only transforms your life,

but shapes the future for your children and the generations to come.