For years, I didn’t know I had been sexually abused. But my body did. It showed up in the eating disorders. In the dissociation. In the need for control. And in my relationships.
In this blog, I’m sharing the links that often go unseen, but shape so much of who we become. Not to reopen old wounds, but to offer recognition, understanding and the possibility of healing.
Sexual abuse in childhood, the invisible link to eating disorders
How trauma gets trapped in the body, why eating disorders are often a symptom, and how you begin to find your way back to yourself
Sexual abuse at a young age leaves traces that are often invisible to the outside world. These experiences aren’t always consciously remembered, but they settle deeply in the body and the subconscious.
Because a child’s brain isn’t yet developed enough to process trauma like this, memories can fade or disappear entirely. Still, the imprint remains — often surfacing later in patterns of control, shame, dissociation and a disconnection from the self.
Eating disorders are often a symptom of deeper, unspoken pain.
They are not the problem itself, but a way to regain control over something that was once completely taken from you, the sense of safety and autonomy.
Why do so many survivors of sexual abuse turn to food, hunger or control?
Why does the body begin to feel detached, like an enemy rather than a home?
And how do you begin to restore that connection in a way that feels safe and real?
I know what it’s like.
To feel as if your body no longer belongs to you. To seek safety through control, through not eating, through eating too much, through rigid rules that seem to give structure to something that was once ripped from your hands.
Sexual abuse at a young age changes how you experience yourself, your body and love. I know this, because I’ve lived it.
And I later discovered how destructive relationships only deepen that pattern — how a narcissist instinctively senses where your boundaries are missing, and reawakens exactly what you were trying so hard to forget.
The link between sexual abuse and eating disorders
When a child is sexually abused, their fundamental sense of safety and autonomy is deeply disrupted.
Because the child often can’t understand what is happening, and the brain is not equipped to fully process it, the body starts searching for ways to regain control over the overwhelming sense of helplessness.
That’s where eating disorders often begin to take root.
Anorexia – the ultimate attempt to reclaim control.
The less you eat, the more it feels like you’re the one in charge.
As if you’re stronger than your body.
As if no one can take anything from you ever again.
Bulimia – the inner conflict between control and surrender.
The body craves food, craves something to fill the emptiness,
but shame and self-hatred demand that it be expelled immediately.
Binge eating – a way to numb the body, suppress emotion and stop feeling.
Every form of disordered eating is ultimately a survival strategy.
A way to regulate something that once felt completely unsafe.
And what lies beneath it all?
A broken relationship with the body.
A deep-rooted shame that was never named or released.
A nervous system still trapped in the response of back then.
Losing Connection to Your Body
One of the most profound effects of sexual abuse is the loss of connection to your own body.
For many survivors, the body no longer feels like a safe place, but becomes a source of shame, fear or pain.
This can show up in different ways:
Dissociation – feeling disconnected from your body, especially during stressful situations or moments of intimacy.
Discomfort with physical touch – even in safe relationships, closeness can feel unsettling or overwhelming.
Insecurity and shame about the body – the body is seen as damaged or unsafe, often leading to harsh self-criticism and a negative body image.
For a child, it’s unthinkable that an adult could do something that isn’t right.
The only way to make sense of it is to blame themselves.
“This happened because I wasn’t good enough.”
“If I had been different, maybe it wouldn’t have happened.”
These beliefs become the poison that keeps you punishing yourself later in life — through your relationship with food, with your body, or through destructive relationships.
The Impact on Relationships and Sexuality
Sexual trauma doesn’t disappear just because you grow up.
It often continues to seep into your relationships and intimate connections.
Difficulties with sex – intimacy may come with fear, shame or even physical pain.
Unhealthy relationship patterns – feeling drawn to partners who unconsciously mirror the original trauma.
A strong need for control – trying to manage everything in order to avoid feeling powerless again.
If you have a history of sexual abuse and also struggle with codependency, there’s a high chance you’ll be drawn to someone with strong sexual dominance — often a narcissist.
Someone who pushes through your boundaries.
Who claims your body in the same way it was claimed before.
Who makes you relive exactly what you’ve been trying to forget.
The role of codependency and narcissistic relationships
If you were sexually abused at a young age, even outside the home, such as at school, you may also develop codependent patterns.
Your nervous system learned early on that boundaries didn’t exist or wouldn’t be respected.
Especially if you also grew up with a narcissistic parent or in an unstable environment filled with conflict and emotional insecurity, it becomes harder and harder to sense and express your own limits.
This makes you vulnerable in relationships.
People with a codependent background often feel unconsciously drawn to romantic partners who reinforce those early patterns.
Narcissists recognise this vulnerability and often exploit it in subtle, yet deeply damaging ways.
They begin to stretch your boundaries, especially sexually.
They pick up on your insecurities about your body, your fear of rejection, and use it to push you further than you truly feel comfortable with.
A narcissist makes you feel like you have to prove again, that you’re good enough.
And with each step, you move further away from yourself.
It feeds your body shame.
It deepens your eating disorder.
And it creates a dangerous spiral, where you keep giving yourself away in exchange for a love that was never really being offered.
My own patterns later led me to a narcissist who knew exactly where my weak spots were.
Someone who didn’t see my boundaries, but saw them as something to override.
Someone who kept pushing me past what I truly wanted, both sexually and emotionally.
And I found myself back in that old confusion: “Maybe this is love. Maybe I just need to adapt.”
But love doesn’t ask you to cross your boundaries.
Love doesn’t demand that you relive your pain.
It is no coincidence that so many codependents with a history of sexual abuse end up in relationships with narcissists.
And that is exactly what makes this dynamic even more dangerous.
From shame to self-compassion
Shame is one of the deepest emotions that can grow out of sexual abuse.
It’s the reason why so many survivors hide themselves, keep pleasing others, or constantly try to make up for something they were never responsible for.
But shame doesn’t belong to you.
It was placed on you.
And what was placed on you, can also be released.
Each time you criticise yourself, ask this simple question:
Would I speak this way to a child who went through what I did?
If the answer is no, then why speak to yourself that way?
You were never to blame.
Not then. Not now. Not ever.
And that’s a truth your body still deserves to feel — fully, and without question.
Why control won’t save you
Many survivors of sexual abuse develop a strong need for control:
Control over their bodies — through eating disorders, perfectionism, self-criticism.
Control over their emotions — by shutting down or rationalising everything.
Control over their relationships — by pleasing, adapting or avoiding.
But control is an illusion.
True freedom doesn’t come from managing your pain.
True freedom comes from learning how to allow softness.
How to let trust return, slowly, from within.
And that’s not something your mind can figure out.
It’s something your nervous system needs to learn.
The path to healing
Healing doesn’t mean becoming who you used to be.
Healing means becoming who you were always meant to be.
So what can you do?
Recognise your patterns – begin to see where control has kept you stuck.
Reconnect with your body – learn how to listen again to what your body truly needs.
Create inner safety – give yourself now what was once taken from you.
Do you want support in reconnecting with yourself and your body?
Discover how my 16-week Codependency Recovery Programme can help you break free from destructive patterns — step by step, and with compassion.
No one ever had the right to take your innocence.
But you have every right to reclaim your freedom.
You are not what was done to you.
You are who you choose to become from this moment forward.