Fear is not something you can solve with logic.

It is a reaction of your nervous system, deeply rooted in survival mechanisms that were once necessary to protect you.

When you feel fear, all kinds of things happen in your body. Your nervous system goes into fight, flight or freeze mode, your heart rate accelerates, your breathing becomes shallow. Your body prepares for danger, even if that danger is no longer there.

For people who grew up in a toxic or unpredictable environment, fear has become a default setting.

You have learned to be hyper-alert, to avoid risks, to always stay “safe”, even if that means keeping yourself small.

This is why change feels so frightening. Your nervous system only knows safety in the familiar, even if that familiar is unhealthy.

Fear is not the enemy. It is a young part of you that is still seeking protection.

Codependency arises in an environment where safety, predictability and emotional presence were lacking. As a child, you had no one who truly reassured you, so your system took that task upon itself.

Your nervous system went into survival mode. You felt everything, but especially outside yourself. You constantly scanned the atmosphere, the other person, the potential threat. Feeling became not a foundation for your own emotions, but a way to stay ahead of danger. And fear was no longer a normal emotion, but an advisor. A compass that tried to keep you “safe” at all costs.

Your inner child and inner teenager were shaped in a world where rejection, control or neglect were the norm.

And that part still lives in your body. It still whispers that it is afraid, seeks protection and begs not to do it.

But you are no longer that child. You’re an adult now.

And this part of you deserves to be heard, without letting it steer your choices anymore.

Yet you want to move on. You tell yourself that you want out, that you want to be free. But as soon as you are faced with that change, you notice how you freeze. You procrastinate, soften, or retreat. Not because you are weak, but because your nervous system is still living in the past.

Your body only recognises safety in the familiar. Even if that familiar is a toxic relationship, a cold childhood memory, or a life full of people-pleasing behaviour.

Fear whispers that you survived back then, so why do things differently now? And that is exactly where the turning point lies.

The moment you dare to see this, you can decide that, as an adult, you are allowed to do things differently.

You don't have to overcome fear.

You can guide it. Many people try to push their fear away, rationalise it or fight it. But the harder you fight fear, the stronger it often returns.

What you reject continues to pull at you. Maybe fear doesn't need to go away at all. Maybe it just wants to be acknowledged.

Tell yourself that it's okay to feel fear.

Ask what it wants to show you. Give yourself permission to do it at your own pace. And remember that you don't have to change everything at once. One conscious choice is enough to get things moving.

The power lies not in fearlessness, but in the courage to move with your fear.

Freedom doesn't begin when fear is gone, but when you are afraid and move anyway. Freedom doesn't mean you never feel fear again. It means you learn to act despite the fear. That you recognise the tension in your body, but no longer get stuck in it.

It's feeling what's happening in your system and still allowing yourself to grow, move and choose.

It is learning that true safety does not lie in control, but in trusting your mature consciousness. Fear has guided you towards survival for years. Now you can guide it towards life.

Your nervous system needs new experiences. Moments that are calmer than the old drama. Relationships that are quieter than the noise of struggle. Thoughts that do not resist fear, but create space to allow it to be there.

Sit down. Feel how your breath moves. Let your heart beat gently in the present moment. Until you notice that it is safe. That you are here. And that you are choosing.

From paralysis to movement. Five keys to navigating with fear by your side

• Acknowledge your fear as part of your system, not as your entire truth.

It’s an old part of you that’s speaking up.

You are not your fear. But you can care for it.

• Bring your body back to the present.

Through your breath. By placing your feet on the ground. Through touch, rhythm or your own voice.

Keep doing this until your body feels that there is no immediate danger.

• Explore what your fear is really saying.

Behind “I can’t do this” is often something deeper:

“I don’t want to be rejected.”

“I’m afraid to fail again.”

• Remind yourself that safety does not mean you will never be afraid again.

You are allowed to be afraid and still move forward. You don't have to do it perfectly.

• Make a small act of freedom every day.

One honest conversation.

One clear boundary.

One step that is yours.

Not despite your fear, but with it by your side.

The truth is:

You don’t have to wait until you’re no longer afraid.

As long as you keep waiting until you are ready, fear will remain in the driver's seat.

But you are an adult. And you are now in charge.

Not by pushing or forcing yourself, but by choosing that the past no longer determines your course.

Fear isn’t a stop sign.

It’s a signal. A signpost pointing to what truly matters.

To what your system may not yet recognise, but where you’re now ready to grow.

To freedom.

To love.

To strength.

To connection.

If fear is holding you back from making the choices you feel deep down inside, from taking your place, from daring to be who you really are, it's not because there's something wrong with you.

Your body is trying to protect you. But what was once necessary for survival is now holding you back.

Fear feels real, and it is. But it’s not all of you

Fear feels deeply real.

Not just as a thought, but in your whole body.

In your breath. In your heartbeat. In your muscles. In your nervous system.

And that experience is valid. You don’t have to push it away or try to ‘fix’ it.

But you can sit with it.

You can invite your adult consciousness into what you are feeling.

You can tell yourself that this is really what you are experiencing right now, but that it is not all that you are.

Then look at the facts. See where you are now, with whom, what is really going on, separate from your past.

And then look at your fear again. From the adult you are today.

You will notice

You are afraid, but not powerless.

You are tense, but not lost.

You are hurt, but also powerful.

Your body is still seeking safety, but you can give it that now.

Ready to work with your fear in a safe, grounded way?

In my 16-week Codependency Recovery Programme, you’ll learn how to:

•  Build inner safety step by step
•  Move with fear, without losing yourself
•  Trust your own strength again, not from survival, but from truth

Still not sure what’s holding you back?

Take the free self-assessment and get clarity on how codependent patterns may still be running in your life.