Why codependents struggle with boundaries

Boundaries are shaped in childhood.

If you were emotionally neglected, manipulated or parentified, you may have learned that:

Your feelings don’t matter

You were criticised, shamed or ignored whenever you expressed an emotion or had your own opinion

Your needs are less important than others’

You felt responsible for your parents’ happiness or carried the weight of other people’s emotions

Adapting equals being loved

You were rewarded for being obedient and self-sacrificing but punished or rejected whenever you were seen as difficult

These beliefs become a blueprint for your adult relationships. You didn't learn that you are entitled to space, respect and freedom of choice.

And this is exactly why narcissists and toxic people are drawn to you.

How narcissists manipulate and violate your boundaries

A narcissist starts testing and breaking your boundaries from the very beginning of the relationship.

It often happens so subtly that you only realise it once you’re already deeply entangled in the dynamic.

Manipulative tactics include

Love bombing

They overwhelm you with affection and attention, making you believe they’re your soulmate — and in the process, you forget your own boundaries

Gaslighting

They twist your emotions and reality, so you begin to doubt yourself and let go of your limits

Blame-shifting

They make you feel responsible for their behaviour, leading you to believe you’re too sensitive or expecting too much

Ignoring your boundaries

They keep pushing further — with “jokes” that hurt, subtle disrespect, and eventually clear violations

Silent treatment or anger

They punish you emotionally, withdrawing love or approval whenever you try to assert a boundary

Does this sound familiar?

This is no coincidence.

This is how narcissistic dynamics work, and they will continue to test you until you set clear boundaries. The faster you realise this, the faster you can reclaim your power.

How to build and maintain strong boundaries

Strengthening your boundaries means reprogramming yourself.

This isn’t a quick fix or surface-level skill, it’s deep work.

Work that helps you build an entirely new foundation for your life and your relationships.

1. Explore your old beliefs about boundaries

Where did you learn that setting boundaries was selfish or unsafe

Who taught you that love had to be earned through self-sacrifice

2. Notice where your boundaries are being crossed now

Write it down

Where do you feel uncomfortable, drained or pressured

What patterns do you keep seeing in your relationships

3. Practise saying no, without guilt

No isn’t rejection

It’s a way of saying

I choose myself

Start with small no’s in safe situations and build from there

4. Use I-statements when communicating boundaries

Say

I don’t feel comfortable with this, instead of. You always do this

This helps you stay grounded and avoid unnecessary conflict

5. Be consistent

Boundaries only work if you protect them.

Don’t get pulled into debate or manipulation.

Keep it simple.

This doesn’t feel right for me and I’m not going to do it.

6. Surround yourself with people who respect your limits

Practise healthy relating.

So your system can learn what respect and emotional safety actually feel like.

7. Do the inner work

Get to know and heal the part of you that still believes you’re not allowed to have boundaries.

This is a core part of the healing process

What happens when you strengthen your boundaries

You feel lighter and more liberated.

No more endless feelings of guilt or wasted energy on people who don't respect you.

Narcissists lose their grip on you.

They can no longer manipulate or test you, and if they try, you see right through them.

You attract healthier relationships.

People who are respectful and reliable are attracted to your new energy and strength.

You grow in self-esteem.

Every time you set and respect a boundary, you confirm to yourself that you are worthy.

This is the power of boundaries.

Not as walls to shut yourself off, but as gateways to freedom, self-respect and authentic connections.

Are you ready to strengthen your boundaries?

If you find that your boundaries are constantly being crossed by a narcissist, by family, at work or in friendships, then it's time to reclaim your inner strength.

My 16-week Codependency Recovery Programme helps you to...

• Explore and strengthen your boundaries.
• Break free from old patterns and recognise emotional manipulation.
• Regain your self-esteem and autonomy, so you can become truly free.

You deserve relationships in which you are heard, seen and respected. That starts with the power of your boundaries.