The Silent Treatment

The silent treatment is not radio silence. It is a form of emotional control. Without words, without explanation, with icy distance and with one message: ‘You have done something wrong.’

For someone with a history of rejection or craving approval, this silence feels like punishment. In this section, you will discover how narcissists use silence as a weapon, what it does to your nervous system, and how to reclaim your voice, your boundaries, and your truth.

What is the Silent Treatment?

It’s the deliberate act of ignoring or emotionally shutting someone out. Not out of overwhelm, but as a strategic weapon. The narcissist uses silence to punish you, control you, or make you dependent.

“You’ve done something wrong. And I decide when you’re allowed to exist again.”

What it does to you as a codependent

If you grew up with emotional rejection or unpredictable love, this silence triggers your deepest fear:

“What if I’m not good enough?”

You try to restore the connection by:

• Sacrificing your own needs

• Apologising, even when you’re not at fault

• Ignoring your feelings

And that’s exactly what gives them control.

Why narcissists use silence

It’s not to calm down. It’s to keep control.

Silent treatment is often used when:

• You set a boundary

• You start seeing things clearly

• You dare to name their behaviour

Silence then becomes not peace. But an attack in the form of absence.

How to recognise it

1. You are suddenly ignored, without explanation
2. Your apologies are coldly dismissed
3. Your emotions are punished with silence
4. You feel guilty, even though you are the one being ignored
5. You start trying to please them to break the silence

The damage of long-term silence

Silence seems innocent, but not in this form.

It can lead to:

• Fear of speaking up

• Emotional numbness or panic

• Loss of self-esteem

• Hyperfocus on the other person

• A nervous system that can’t relax

It’s gaslighting without words. And it works as long as you believe it’s your fault.

What can you do?
✔️ Recognise that it is not healthy silence, but manipulation
✔️ Stop pleasing others or taking the blame
✔️ Restore your connection with yourself and your truth

You should not have to fight for attention that is deliberately withheld from you.
You deserve love that doesn't disappear as soon as you speak your truth.

You’re allowed to speak again

You don’t have to fill this silence with excuses, fear, or self-betrayal.

You can:

• Reclaim your own voice

• Take your truth seriously

• Break their control by staying present in yourself

The moment you step out of the silence, their power ends.

Blame Shifting – Why you always get the blame

Blame shifting isn't just painful, it's a tactic designed to keep you trapped in confusion.

If you grew up with a strong inner critic or a deep-rooted sense of guilt, blame shifting can feel disorienting. It makes you question your feelings, your memories, and even your own worth.

In this section you will discover how narcissists use guilt to maintain control, what this does to your nervous system, and most importantly how you can reclaim your truth and free yourself from their projections.

Blame shifting is one of the most confusing and painful forms of manipulation. And if you already live with deep-rooted feelings of guilt, it hits you hard.

What exactly is blame shifting?

Blame shifting is a tactic where a narcissist deflects the conversation, the blame, or the responsibility away from themselves and onto you. Even when it is clear that they are the one who has done something wrong, by the end of the conversation you no longer know what really happened, and you feel guilty instead.

For codependents, who naturally tend to overanalyse themselves, please others, and feel responsible for the wellbeing of those around them, this dynamic can be devastating.

It is more than simply blaming someone else. It is a manipulative defence mechanism the narcissist uses to:

• Protect themselves from shame or responsibility

• Maintain power and control over the conversation

• Twist your reality so you begin to doubt yourself

Examples:

• You’re always so difficult, it’s really your mood that’s the problem.

• If you hadn’t provoked me, I wouldn’t have got so angry.

• You’re just too sensitive, you twist everything I say.

Sometimes it happens in a more ‘intellectual’ way.

These are not theories – the sentences below are things my ex-partner actually threw at me.

Not because they were true, but to make me doubt myself:

• You don’t take responsibility for this relationship.

• You’re wearing a mask.

• You're putting on an act, you're just “method acting”.

But here is the truth: that is not you.

You came with an open heart, doing the best you could with what you knew.

They came with an ego mask, a strategy, and a hidden agenda.

Everything they accuse you of... is exactly what they are doing. And that is blame shifting.

What does this do to you as a codependent?

Blame shifting hits your most vulnerable spots:

• Your sense of guilt

• Your fear of rejection

• Your belief that maybe it really is your fault

And so you:

• Defend yourself instead of feeling your boundaries

• Analyse instead of staying connected to what is happening

• Try to ‘make it right’ even when you did nothing wrong

That is exactly what the narcissist wants. As long as you stay in that fog of confusion, you remain connected, not to yourself, but to them.

What happens after the conversation?

You walk away suddenly doubting everything you wanted to say. Your head is spinning. Your heart feels heavy. You search for what you did wrong, even though you did nothing wrong. And that feeling, that self-doubt – is what keeps you trapped.

Why does a narcissist use this tactic?

Blame shifting is a form of projection. The narcissist cannot bear the shame or fear that lies beneath their behaviour, so they push it onto you.

Instead of taking responsibility, they rewrite the story so they can continue to see themselves as the victim or as justified. They twist reality to protect their image, and as long as you buy into their version, their control remains intact.

If you grew up with guilt, conflict avoidance, or a strong inner critic, blame shifting will feel familiar. It plays directly into what you once learned, that you are the cause of everything that goes wrong.

How to recognise blame shifting in conversations:

1. You start with a complaint but end up defending yourself.

2. You feel confusion, guilt, or shame without any clear reason.

3. You doubt your feelings, even though you were clear before.

4. Your pain is ignored and turned into their pain.

What can you do?

If you find yourself in the middle of a blame shift, it is important to return to yourself.

• What did I feel before this conversation started?

• What need or boundary was I trying to express?

• Is what is being said really true, or do I sense a distortion?

Write it down. Reflect. Remind yourself of your truth.

Because if someone is unable to take responsibility for their own behaviour, that is not a reflection of your worth.

From confusion to clarity

Blame shifting only works if you still believe you have to fix, solve, or smooth things over.

But you don't have to fix anything you didn't cause.

You don't have to carry guilt that isn't yours.

You are allowed to feel what you feel.

You are allowed to state your truth.

And you are allowed to walk away from discussions that confuse you instead of connecting you.

Gaslighting – When you start doubting your own reality

You don't just struggle with self-confidence. Gaslighting is not miscommunication, it is a strategy that makes you doubt what you feel, think and remember.

In this section, you will discover how narcissists distort your reality, why this is so confusing for people with codependency, and how to step by step reclaim your truth.

What is gaslighting?

Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation in which someone consistently denies your feelings, memories, or perception.

The goal? To make you doubt yourself so that you become dependent on them to tell you what is ‘true’.

“I never said that.”

“You’re overreacting.”

“You’re far too sensitive.”

In a narcissistic dynamic, these are not harmless remarks, they are weapons.

Gaslighting is not confusion. It is control.

What does gaslighting do to a codependent?

Codependents are trained from a young age to adapt, to doubt themselves, and to avoid conflict.

This is exactly why gaslighting runs so deep.

You believe you are the cause of every problem.

You stop trusting your own memories.

You seek validation outside yourself.

You become disconnected from your intuition.

Gaslighting is not about you being too sensitive, it is about them distorting your reality.

Why do narcissists gaslight?

Beneath gaslighting lies fear, fear of confrontation, loss of control, and rejection. A narcissist wants to stop you from feeling clearly, choosing freely, or breaking away.

So they target your most vulnerable places:

Your self-doubt.

Your need for validation.

Your fear of abandonment.

As long as you do not trust yourself, they remain in control.

How to break through gaslighting

1. Recognise the pattern – Notice when your feelings or memories are denied.

2. Name it internally – This feels true for me. I am allowed to trust my perception.

3. Anchor your truth – Write it down, reflect, speak it aloud.

4. Restore your inner compass – Through bodywork, inner child work, and intuition training.

You do not have to be certain about everything in order to trust yourself.

Every time you reconnect to what feels true for you, you take a step back towards yourself.

Gaslighting robs you of your truth, but that truth still lives within you.

You are not crazy. You have been manipulated.

And you can find yourself again, clear, strong, and connected to who you truly are.

Do you recognise yourself in these patterns?

Then you know how paralysing it feels to doubt yourself over and over again, even while deep down you sense something is wrong.

You are not weak, crazy, or too sensitive. You have been conditioned for years to survive in unsafe love.

If you truly want to break free, it starts with clarity, boundaries, nervous system repair, and rewriting your old patterns.

In my 16-week programme, I guide you step by step back to peace, self-worth, and inner freedom.

Explore the programme

You deserve love that feels safe.

And that begins with yourself.