If you grew up without truly feeling seen or heard, you may have learned to survive by shutting down your own emotions.

In this blog, you’ll explore how emotional neglect impacts your nervous system, your relationships, the way you see yourself and how to gradually rebuild the connection with your inner world.

Freedom doesn’t come from pushing feelings away.

It comes from learning to feel safely, fully, and without shame.

Breaking the cycle of disconnection

When was the last time you truly listened to yourself?

Not to your thoughts.

Not to your rational explanations.

But to your body, your emotions — the signals you’ve been trying to ignore for far too long.

Many people live in a constant state of self-disconnection.

They analyse their emotions instead of feeling them.

They suppress what hurts, instead of making space for it.

They seek control through perfectionism, people-pleasing or overthinking, but deep down, they feel empty.

This is the impact of emotional neglect.

Not only from others. but also from yourself.

Why do we learn to emotionally neglect ourselves?

How does emotional neglect shape our nervous system, our relationships, and our sense of self-worth?

And how do you begin to break that cycle so you can reconnect with yourself in a real and lasting way?

What is emotional neglect?

Emotional neglect means that your feelings weren’t seen, acknowledged, or taken seriously — often from a very young age.

This doesn’t necessarily mean there was physical or verbal abuse.

It simply means you didn’t learn how to deal with emotions, because no one ever showed you how.

Maybe you were told as a child: “Don’t make such a fuss.”

Maybe you felt that your emotions were too much for others.

Maybe you grew up in an environment where feelings just weren’t talked about.

And what does that teach you?

That it’s safer to suppress how you feel.

That it’s better not to be difficult.

That other people matter more than you do.

And those patterns stay with you into adulthood.

You think you’re being “rational”, but the truth is, you’ve stopped feeling.

You know how to care for others, but you don’t know how to care for yourself.

You’ve become so used to pushing emotions away, you don’t even realise how far you’ve drifted from yourself.

This is how emotional neglect quietly shapes your life without you even noticing.

Emotional neglect & codependency

Many codependents grew up in environments where their emotions simply didn’t matter.

So what happens in relationships?

You learn to prioritise other people’s emotions over your own.

You feel responsible for someone else’s happiness.

You become so attuned to the other person that you completely forget yourself.

You believe that love means always giving.

You struggle with boundaries, because no one ever taught you they were necessary.

You feel guilty for choosing yourself, because it feels selfish.

This is why codependents so often attract toxic relationships.

Because they don’t feel where their boundary lies.

Because they believe love means self-sacrifice.

Because their nervous system is trained to put others first, always.

When feeling becomes too much

What emotional neglect does to your nervous system

Emotions don’t live in your head.

They live in your body.

But when you’ve spent years learning to suppress what you feel, your nervous system shifts into survival mode.

What does that look like?

Fight mode: You become defensive, irritable or angry — often without a clear reason.

Flight mode: You avoid hard conversations, disappear into work, distractions, or perfectionism.

Freeze mode: You don’t feel anything at all. You’re numb. Disconnected. Shut down.

Most people don’t even recognise it.

They think they’re just “rational.”

But not feeling is often a trauma response.

The effects of emotional neglect

Constantly ignoring your emotions doesn’t just affect your mental wellbeing, it impacts your body and your relationships too.

Physical symptoms

Chronic stress, tension, headaches, fatigue.

Difficulty with connection

You’re drawn to emotionally unavailable partners or you shut down yourself.

Self-doubt and insecurity

Because no one ever taught you that your emotions mattered.

Burnout and overwhelm

Because you don’t feel your boundaries and keep taking on too much.

And the most dangerous part?

You get so used to this pattern, it starts to feel normal.

You’re used to being the strong one.

You’re used to showing up for others.

You’re used to pushing your own emotions aside.

But normal doesn’t mean healthy.

How do you break the cycle of disconnection?

Stop analysing — start feeling

Don’t rush to explain or fix your emotions.

Instead of asking, “Why do I feel this?”, ask: “What is this feeling trying to tell me?”

Recognise your survival responses

Fight, flight or freeze — get to know how your nervous system reacts, and explore what you actually need.

Reconnect with your body

Grounding, breathwork, somatic therapy — practices that soothe your system and help you feel again.

Set boundaries without guilt

You’re allowed to say no — without explaining why.

You don’t have to fix everything for everyone.

Learn that your emotions do matter

No one taught you this before. But you can choose to give it to yourself now.

You’re not too much, you’re untrained in feeling

Many people affected by emotional neglect feel too sensitive, too emotional, or too intense.

But you’re not too much.

You simply never learned how to hold your emotions.

And that’s not your fault.

But it is your responsibility now to break the cycle.

Your emotions aren’t the problem.

They are the key to your freedom.

You’re allowed to learn. In your own time.

With softness for everything you were never allowed to feel.

Do you want to learn how to truly reconnect with yourself and your emotions?

Find out how my 16-week Codependency Recovery Programme helps you break the patterns that keep you disconnected.